EMBODIMENT OF SAME LOVE

When Special K walked back into my life nearly seven years ago many things changed for me.

Some things were damaged beyond repair (friends that walked out of my life because of my new found sexuality) and some things changed for the better by infinite measures.

One of them being that I found my voice which had lain dormant my whole life.

What was glaringly obvious to me at that time was that there were no obvious lesbian role models in my immediate community.

Perhaps naively I imagined that I could go into the library or pick up a gay magazine at my local book store and find some sort of order or guideline for my rapidly changing life.

But there was nothing.

I had read every book written on and about Virginia Woolf, Vita Sackville West and Radcliffe Hall, but I needed something a little closer to home.

And so the search began to find my people, or more realistically, find out about the community I was aligning myself with.

I was very fortunate that very soon after K and I started dating I met a girl who was just starting up a gay website and a Facebook group solely for Cape Town Lesbians.

Through her I was given the opportunity to write and later on become an administrator of this rapidly expanding group. From meagre beginnings this group now has over 4800 members an active committee and a constitution. 

Over the years I have contemplated many L.G.B.T issues, been affected by the violence shown to my gay sisters in the townships, and pondered about the many labels we consciously and subconsciously wear daily.

What does it mean to be a lesbian in South Africa today? Who are the activists, the torch bearers, and the voices of freedom?

In a constitution where we are offered the same rights as our heterosexual counterparts, we have the liberty to marry whomever we choose. Or do we?

That on –paper- freedom does not necessarily filter down to the everyday man or woman in the street and hate crimes and prejudice is still widespread.

There are some incredible voices that have risen out of the L.G.B.T darkness in South Africa, men, as well as women. One of the most visual has to be Zanele Muholi who has made it her life’s work to put a face on the hate crimes the rest of the world tries to ignore. Those who have been beaten into submission or death in the townships. Her work is an ongoing legacy to the black L.G.B.T community and the courage that is needed daily to survive in that hostile environment.

My search for connection made me realize that so many of the gay women I know live very quiet lives. Lives for all intents and purposes that go unnoticed and under the radar.

For me personally, the label ‘lesbian’ is one that I do not wear with aplomb, yet. 

I am much more than one simplistic sobriquet.

I am feminine, a mother, have longish nails; and many other characteristics that do not shout ‘I am a lesbian’ at all.

I have to come out daily, just like the delightful Ivan Coyote praises in her moving tribute ‘To the Femmes’.

The stereotypical ‘dyke’ and ‘femme’ labels are archaic and as is wont with humans, out with the old and in with the new, new labels have evolved to try to capture our ever changing nature and sexual fluidity.

Hence the birth of my photographic project called ‘Embodiment’

It was borne out of a need to connect, to find my tribe and on this life changing journey to discover who I really am.

I put it out on social media and asked for lesbians to contact me should they want to be photographed.

What I wanted to capture was gay women in their immediate environment, the place where thy felt most happy or with the person or people who mattered most.

Environmental portraiture, if you will.

And the response was overwhelming.

What started as a small idea has grown into a historical documentary capturing the face of lesbians in South Africa.

The mothers, daughters, activists, those trying to adopt or have babies, those who are pregnant, those on the cusp of marriage. Those who have lost a loved one. Those in transition.

These women have put a face where the label used to be for me.

And what I have learnt is that we all want the same things; A home, financial security, but mostly we want to be loved.

And surely ‘loved’ is the ultimate designer label, one we should all be allowed to wear fearlessly, confidently and with joy?

My hope is that by taking these photos, capturing the day to day lives, doing the same things everyone else does; our interconnectedness, our ‘sameness’,  our humanness, is exposed.”

And in so doing, perhaps make a difference in some way. ** (I intend to hold exhibitions around the country, as I will be photographing women in all our provinces. I also intend to publish the pictures.

If you would like to be photographed please message me)

You can see my work on my Facebook page of my photography blog The B Holder. 

  *Image copyright: Zeepix