FAMILY TIES

When my partner and I first started dating a few years ago, she had just come out of a 6 year relationship with her daughter’s father. It was a very rocky road for us to begin with because, apart from the fact that she had been badly burned by her ex, I was also the first woman she had been involved with.

We were terrified of telling her son the truth about what was going on between us but, to be honest, I think it was always pretty obvious to him and to everyone else around us. He was completely blasé about it when we told him and didn’t understand why it was a big deal because all he wanted was for his mom to be happy. The fact that he supported our relationship was a huge relief and it made moving in together an easy decision.

Her daughter was only 2 years old when I met her initially and we had a fantastic relationship from the start. As the years passed, she started to ask questions about why her mom and her dad weren’t living together and how I fitted into the equation. We took things slowly with her, explaining that sometimes people fall out of love with one person and in love with someone else, but that their love for her would always remain steadfast.

A few months ago, I started to notice a huge change in her attitude towards me - she suddenly became very rude and would exclude me from discussions and activities whenever she could. When my partner asked her about this sudden change, she said that the bible doesn’t condone same-sex relationships and that she didn’t want her mother to be punished. When we asked about the source of her information, she said that her father had told her. We were absolutely mortified!

Not only had he taught her that it was wrong for her mom to be in a same-sex relationship, he had also succeeded in creating a rift in our family by convincing this impressionable young child that I was the ‘bad guy’ who was leading her mom into temptation.

My partner and I discussed it and came to the conclusion that, in order to move forward, we would have to find a counsellor to assist us. We also did a lot of research on the subject and found a few videos online which helped us to show her that there is no difference between heterosexual love and homosexual love. Love is love and everyone has the right to be who they are, free of judgement.

Since taking the steps to helping her understand our lifestyle, things have become better at home – I even get extra hugs and kisses lately. I find that after a weekend at her dad, she takes about 2 days to re-adjust her attitude at home, but we are taking things slowly – one day at a time.

We can’t prevent the things that her father is telling her because both my partner and I know that it will never change, but what we can do is educate this little girl as best we can – and maybe one day she will be able to educate her father.