PROUD. OUT. LESBRO

I’m a proud, out lesbian. I don't hate straight men, nor men in general. I'm simply not sexually attracted to them. I have straight and gay friends, some are men and others are women. They make fantastic friends, though.

I have a loving relationship with the men in my life. My wife’s best friend of 20 years is a straight guy.

I've always been perplexed by the "man-hating lesbian" stereotype. I do not wish I had any special body parts that men have or date women that think they have to. I love women as they come and I’m attracted to them naturally, and don't need anything artificial. I always say "I don't hate men, I just don't date them.” As a matter of fact, I love men as friends. The only men that get on my nerves are the ones that can't take "No, I'm not into guys" for an answer. But it's so easy for people to generalize what they don't know about. And I LOVE men!

There are a few men in our life that I’ll do anything for and they’ll do the same for me and Emm. For our straight male friends, our company offers something they just can't find amongst their straight friends of either gender. Sometimes it’s testosterone-free talk; other times, an insightful appreciation of women in general. The unfiltered sharing often flows in both directions. I can talk to my guys about anything; often things that I wouldn’t be able to discuss with my straight female friends. David, Itumeleng , Tinzi and Chipi are my best friends who happen to be straight men.

These men will do anything for me because we are a family. They don’t see me as Reagoikanya the lesbian; to them I’m their friend, sister and confidant. I love my boys dearly and I will do anything for them.

There is just this really amazing bond between us and our boys. The absence of sexual tension allows us to talk openly. What we have with the boys is special and far surpasses the simple titled of “just being friends.” We are a family. I have four men, one I treat like my own brother. Two of them are married and our friendship actually blossoms more once they know of my orientation. Being lesbian has to do with sexual orientation and not with hatred or fear for them.

Here’s how we met some of the men in our lives. When our long time email buddy David wrote to say he and his then girlfriend Tshepiso were in Johannesburg for a few days and wanted to come by our house for our first proper face-to-face visit, we were excited. He and Emm had been cracking wise over the interwebs about relationships and other shared interests since at least 2006, when they met via work – but also a little apprehensive. Was this guy really as terrific as he seemed in all those emails?

We’re totally thrilled to report that the answer was a resounding yes. David is just as cool as we hoped, not to mention funny, kind and, most of all fiercely loyal to those he calls friends. That was five years ago and we have been friends since. Today David and Tshepiso are married with one child and another one on the way. Our friendship has grown from strength to strength.

I don’t speak for all the lesbians but from what I know, some gay women may be exasperated by never-ending unwanted attention from men. It's all about the individual. I would never make the generalisation that I hate an entire gender, or race, or ethnic group. It's just that I am attracted to women more than I am attracted to men. Personally I dislike using the term lesbro. What I share with my boys cannot be summed up by one word.

I’m a proud, out lesbian. I have straight and gay friends, some are men and others are women. I have a loving relationship with the men in my life. My wife’s best friend of 20 years is a straight guy.

I’m a lesbian and I don’t hate men. It really is that simple.