REBOUND

I personally have been in a long term relationship on and off for the last two years, recently it was definitely more off than on! So seeing as I thought my long term relationship had come to a final end and the fact that I have issues with being alone I started looking here and there for a potential.

I hate to use this word but it is what it is … replacement!

Someone that could help me get over my previous girlfriend as fast as possible. Come on, you all know deep down you do this when you are newly single thinking it would ease the pain and loneliness.

So, I did meet someone within the first two weeks of being single and jumped headlong into another relationship without realizing how committed emotionally I still was to my previous partner. And as most lesbians tend to do, we declare how we feel about the new person within the first 5.5 seconds of meeting them and in the next 5.5 seconds arrange to move in with them, have babies and spend the rest of your life with them … all this in 11 seconds! And we wonder why people always say “such typical lesbians”!!!

So I jumped into another relationship without being fully out of the previous one. After about the first half of the first week and some pretty good sex later I started to come to terms with the fact that it was not where I wanted to be! My ex kept in constant contact with me, and I allowed it for obvious reasons.

I felt so trapped after committing my life to someone else in those 11 seconds, I did not want to hurt the rebound, and also I did not want to be in something that I knew was wrong for me. Now I am the type of person that if something is not working for me in my life I sort it out but I was in a rather difficult predicament here, I wanted to be with someone else.

There were considerably substantial reasons why my previous relationship did not work out, I wanted a child and she did not, I wanted marriage and she did not (but that’s a whole other story I will save for another day). However sometimes you do not know what you have until it’s gone.

I was approached by my ex when she saw an opportunity and she really laid her heart on the line for me, she wanted me to be happy and she wanted me to be happy with her. Things had changed significantly, she now wanted a child, marriage.. the whole deal and would commit if I came back to her. I did. And someone got hurt.

That’s the thing we don’t ever consider when jumping into something without thinking, the possibility that because of our actions someone could potentially get hurt.

I learnt a very hard lesson through this, seeing someone else actually getting hurt because of me and my unresolved issues / feelings was not pleasant at all. Now unless you are a cold hearted bitch and can bed hop without emotion then this sort of thing would not bother you, but it affected me.

I really took time to think about my actions and I can assure should my relationship come to an end again I will take time off to really deal with my emotions rather than become someone else’s eventual misery!

ABOUT NATASHA QUINN
Natasha is the Administrator and Treasure for Joburg Pride. She is a survivor, self-identified femme, into and interested in the butch/femme dynamic, gay rights, equality, lesbian interests and well being.