A LESBIAN BY ANY OTHER NAME

As if it isn’t enough of an issue for most women to be “labeled” a lesbian, we’ve quite happily adopted a nasty albeit necessary habit of labeling each other. Don’t get me wrong, I was at the end of the spectrum being flogged for my support of the label. But, and it’s a large but, I still wish it wasn’t necessary.

We publicly denounce the use of the word dyke (well, because none of us wants to be referred to as one), when asked by younger lesbians what the interpretation of a dyke is, I have been known to quote, ”it’s a Bronx shoe wearing, checked shirt wearing chick”. Take nothing away from them, I’m all for being comfortable in your own skin, it’s just the easiest way I can explain one of the more derogatory lesbian terms, and yet, we are quite happy to have movies labeled ‘The Dykumentary’, well, most probably because we all relate to the term and find some strange comfort in it.

The most concerning labels are those we give ourselves, online it is a regular request to ask for someone’s ASLR before embarking on a flirtathon with them (ASLR=age, sex, location, race for those of you who don’t partake in a few of life’s guilty online flirtations) but, in the single lesbian room it’s usually followed by ‘are you butch or femme?’. which is all fine and well for the first five minutes before the labeling gets more intense. ‘No, I’m futch’ or ‘I’m a tomboi’ or the even more confusing ‘I’m a half-n-half’.

I thought a half-n-half had something to do with how people take their coffee but, obviously I had the wrong end of the stick. And possibly my least favourite, the lipstick lesbian, I work in the adult entertainment industry and that term conjures up images of poorly fashioned DVD covers for male entertainment, so, eek!, no, I’ never refer to myself as one. Then I took a quiz on Facebook and it came out that I’m a ‘leaning femme’.

How much more confusing is this going to get? I’m quite happy with generalizations if this is how neurotic we’re going to get. I like girls who dress like boys and wear less make-up than I do, that’s simple isn’t it? So if you said you were butch my interest would be piqued and I’d investigate further. No need for in depth down to the tee labeling. I chat to girls who are from abroad and they kept asking, ‘Isn’t a lesbian just a lesbian?’

Sadly, no. The more butch girls claimed that it is the general shortage of femme girls that has sparked this labeling evolution, apparently if you’re not a femme girl you can try and pass as slightly femme by changing your label. I say you are what you think you are, leave it at that. I make no qualms about stating I’m a femme who only wears jeans, t’s and sneakers.

What do I say to the purists that say I’m not a real femme? I say…pssshhht! I don’t care, I’m not a tin of peas and I’ll skip the label thank you very much.

ABOUT TRACEY BEAURAIN
Tracey Beaurain is a tattoo donning, agnostic, liberal femme and a non-apologetic fan of the adult industry, rock music, photography and alternate lifestyles ...best summed up by her favourite quote from Betty Friedan, "When she stopped conforming to the conventional picture of femininity she finally began to enjoy being a woman." Read more from Tracey at www.pandorasboxxx.wordpress.com